


What We Were

by poindexters



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Moving On, i just want my baby to be happy why do i do this, parse has panic attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 07:36:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7792573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poindexters/pseuds/poindexters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Parse hears about Jack's engagement, his whole world comes to a halt. He's stunned to find himself face to face with the reality of moving on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What We Were

**Author's Note:**

> I love Kent so much.   
> Why do I do this.   
> Pls let my son find the happiness he deserves.

Kent closed his eyes.

The world was spinning out of control around him, and all he could _do_ was close his eyes. If he couldn’t see it, it wasn’t real. If he couldn’t hear the TV announcer’s voice, whatever he said wasn’t true.

~

The Aces had a game in Toronto the next day, and as per tradition the whole team met at a local sports bar and grill to spend some time together before calling it a night. The place they’d chosen, a hole in the wall of Toronto’s entertainment district, heaved and coughed with the scent of cigarette smoke and cheap beer. All the wall mounted televisions were tuned to TSN; the panel of commentators going on about some big hockey news that Kent fancied he didn’t care about in the slightest. He ruled the tabloids. Claimed himself king of the gossip columns. Whatever they were saying, he’d heard it months before, probably fed to the press himself.

Kent was getting up to order a Long Island ice tea when his attention was swiftly caught by the name “Jack Zimmermann,” or more so, what came after it.

“Jack Zimmermann, captain of the Providence Falconers and son of NHL legend Bob Zimmermann, has announced his engagement to long-time boyfriend Eric Bittle. Now Craig, you’re our specialist, what do you make of all this?”

“Well Matt, it’s no secret that Jack’s been quite a trailblazer for the LGBT community in the hockey world…” the voices trailed off into the din of casual conversation and bar noise. In fact, everything: sound, sight, feeling, began to fade away around Kent until he felt utterly alone, until he felt like he was drowning.

Jack, married? No, not married. Not yet. Engagement wasn’t the same as marriage. It didn’t have the same implications, the same commitment. How could Jack be engaged? They were still kids. No, Kent reminded himself, they were nearing thirty. Thirty? How did he get here? Why had no one told him time was spinning away this quickly?

In the end, it all came down to one simple question: why was Jack engaged to someone that wasn’t him?

“Kent? Parse! Kenny, what’s going on man?”

Kent already knew the answer.

Crofter stood over him, one arm looped around his neck for support, the other searching for a pulse. “Someone call an ambulance!” he shouted.

“No!” Kent finally found his voice, raspy and demanding. The bar slowly came back into focus around him. He didn’t remember blacking out, but that was usually the reason he woke up on the floor. “I’m fine.” He reached for the bar stool to his left, letting Crofter and his D-man Mackie help him to his feet.

“Give ‘em some air, c’mon,” Mackie ushered the rest of the team a few steps back. “And why is it so hard to get a goddamn glass of water around here?”

“Mack, it’s cool. You don’t have to terrorize the staff,” Kent rubbed hard at the bridge of his nose. He needed to leave. There was something still pressing at his heart, turning his stomach until he felt sick.

_No. Not here_.

Around the time Jack was hospitalized, Kent was diagnosed with panic disorder. He knew the symptoms. He could tell when he was about to have an attack by the pins and needles that covered his hands like gloves. The worse the attack, the number he felt.

“I’m just gonna go on a drive, okay? Clear my head,” he said, managing to level his voice.

“You sure that’s a good idea cap?” Crofter raised a weary eyebrow. You just passed out cold, slammed your head on the counter on the way down.

“Yeah, it’s a fuckin’ great idea. I’m full of those, remember?”

“At least let me drive you,”

“I told you, I’m fine,” Kent pushed his way through what was left of the crowd and into the chilly night. His rental Porsche was parked in a lot a couple of blocks away. He decided to run.

After a few seconds the cold air changed from calming to claustrophobic, burning his lungs with every inhale, pounding his heartbeat into his ears.

It was loud. In fact, it was screaming. And what it said…

_You! Are! Alive!_

“Well what if I don’t want to be!” Kent couldn’t hold it in anymore. The carpet had been pulled from under his feet. The ground was rushing up to meet him. He knew his car was still a block away, but he couldn’t drive like this even if he wanted to. And where would he go?

Sliding his back down the brick wall of what appeared to be a 7/11, he pulled out his phone and punched in the numbers as easily as when they were kids. It rang twice before he considered hanging up.

“Hello?” the sound of Jack’s voice still did something to him, even after all these years. “Hello, is anyone there?”

“Yeah,” his voice was breathy and weak, barely audible above the sounds of the city around him. “Yeah, Jack I’m here.”

“Kent? Kent why are you calling me?”

“Jack, I’m sorry,” He wasn’t sure what he was apologizing for, everything perhaps. His hands kept shaking so that the screen of his phone tapped against his earring.

“Sorry for what? Kent, what’s going on, are you alright?”

“No, Jack, I’m really not.”

“Where are you?”

“Toronto.”

_‘Who’s on the phone, sweetheart?’_ came a voice from Jack’s end of the line.

‘ _It’s Kent, Bitty, just give me a sec_.’ Kent heard the sound of a door sliding shut. “What’s happening, are you alone?”  

“Yeah. Listen, Jack, I gotta say something. God, what the fuck am I doing… fuck.”

“Kent-”

“No, let me get this out,” he took a deep breathe, “Jack, I’ve loved you for so long I don’t know any other way to be. You were my first… _fuck_ Jack, you were my first _everything_ , and I can’t believe I threw that away for the life I have now. God, I _love_ where I am. I’m captain of the Aces for fucks sake, why wouldn’t I? But you, you were the reason I fell in love with hockey. We were supposed to do this together.”

“Kent-”

“Are you happy?” No matter how many tears he wiped away, it seemed there would always be more. The line went quiet. It must have been only a few seconds, but it felt like years.

“Yes.”

“Good.”

“Kent?”

“Yes?”

“I may not be in love with you anymore, but I will always love you.” Kent closed his eyes and tilted his head back against the brick.

The moment your body hits freezing water, its overriding instinct is to take a breath. It’s this shock and fear and misguided grab for life that drags most people beneath the surface. But if you can just hold on for a second longer, you might be lucky enough to see the next day.  

Kent held his breath and let the waves wash over him. It was about time he learned how to swim.


End file.
